After Brunch

[geeky_agent]

[Millitimed to Sunday morning.]

It was nice outside. Not too warm, which Chris was grateful for. Anything that made her choice of a sleeveless turtleneck look less odd, made her happy.

Chris hadn't eaten much at her brunch, something her dad had noticed more than what she wore. Her stomach was tied in knots it seemed. She had told him she didn't feel well, he had told her she could go upstairs and rest. That this could wait till another time.

Then she felt awful.

The guilt was overwhelming. She almost wanted to tell him or someone. But she wouldn't. Partly because Chris had a feeling she was only looking for reassurances that she'd never receive and partly because there was no point. It was a mistake and one she wasn't going to repeat.

She just wishes that made her feel better.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"Not really. I think they just get used to being here."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"Are you used to being here?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

He smiles a little. "Yeah. But I have to be."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

Because he's dead. Because Jack shot him. Because the man you were kissing and caressing killed your dad and for a moment you willingly forgot that fact for your own pleasure.

"I guess that's true," she says after a few moments.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"I'm not unhappy, Chris. I mean..." he pauses, trying to think of the best way to describe how he felt about being here.

"It's not ideal, of course, there are a lot things I miss. But there are a lot of things that never would have been possible if I hadn't come here."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"Like Elaine?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan smiles. "Yeah"

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She gives him a small smile in return and looks out at the forest before talking.

"I am glad you found her, Dad. I know that I might not have been at first."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"Thank you. It means a lot to me to hear you say that. I know it must have been lot to get used to, at first."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"It was, but, she makes you happy. She's also really nice."

At this point, Chris is telling herself to stop talking.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

His brow furrows slightly and he wonders why she seems nervous now.

"She does. She cares about you a lot, too."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"I know. It was a little weird that you are dating someone younger than I am, but then I realized she was really much older than you."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan laughs a little. "Yeah, the time/age difference had me confused for a while."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"So what made you decide to go for something more than friendship with her?"

Chris may be genuinely curious, or she might be trying to stop him from asking her any questions.

Or maybe she's hoping that the more she hears about his life here, the less guilty she'll feel.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"She told me how she felt and I realized I felt the same way," he says, smiling a little at the memory.

"And had for a while. I didn't really think about till she left."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

Her smile is a little forced, but she's guilty and now that they're walking she realizes she's a little sore.

"So once you realized it, the rest was easy?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"Well, yeah. Although it was a little strange at first when other people found out."

He pauses and looks out across the lake. "And I was a little worried about telling you."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"Well, I didn't react very well so I can't blame you for being worried."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"Chris, it's ok. I know it was a lot to take."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"No, my reaction was fueled by emotion, not really the situation. If you're happy, I'm happy for you. Just like I know if I ever find someone -- "

She stops herself from continuing that thought through.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan looks at her, waiting for her to finish but she doesn't.

"Is something wrong?"

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"Sometimes seeing you and Elaine reminds me of something I don't have. And I'm starting to worry I'll never find it."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"You will," he smiles a little, "hopefully, he'll be almost good enough for you."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She smiles a little in return.

"Hopefully," she agrees and impulsively gives him a half-hug.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

He returns her hug.

"It can take a long time to find the right person. And that's only half the battle," he says, pulling away a little.