After Brunch

[geeky_agent]

[Millitimed to Sunday morning.]

It was nice outside. Not too warm, which Chris was grateful for. Anything that made her choice of a sleeveless turtleneck look less odd, made her happy.

Chris hadn't eaten much at her brunch, something her dad had noticed more than what she wore. Her stomach was tied in knots it seemed. She had told him she didn't feel well, he had told her she could go upstairs and rest. That this could wait till another time.

Then she felt awful.

The guilt was overwhelming. She almost wanted to tell him or someone. But she wouldn't. Partly because Chris had a feeling she was only looking for reassurances that she'd never receive and partly because there was no point. It was a mistake and one she wasn't going to repeat.

She just wishes that made her feel better.

Comments

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"So what made you decide to go for something more than friendship with her?"

Chris may be genuinely curious, or she might be trying to stop him from asking her any questions.

Or maybe she's hoping that the more she hears about his life here, the less guilty she'll feel.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"She told me how she felt and I realized I felt the same way," he says, smiling a little at the memory.

"And had for a while. I didn't really think about till she left."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

Her smile is a little forced, but she's guilty and now that they're walking she realizes she's a little sore.

"So once you realized it, the rest was easy?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"Well, yeah. Although it was a little strange at first when other people found out."

He pauses and looks out across the lake. "And I was a little worried about telling you."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"Well, I didn't react very well so I can't blame you for being worried."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"Chris, it's ok. I know it was a lot to take."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"No, my reaction was fueled by emotion, not really the situation. If you're happy, I'm happy for you. Just like I know if I ever find someone -- "

She stops herself from continuing that thought through.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan looks at her, waiting for her to finish but she doesn't.

"Is something wrong?"

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"Sometimes seeing you and Elaine reminds me of something I don't have. And I'm starting to worry I'll never find it."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"You will," he smiles a little, "hopefully, he'll be almost good enough for you."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She smiles a little in return.

"Hopefully," she agrees and impulsively gives him a half-hug.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

He returns her hug.

"It can take a long time to find the right person. And that's only half the battle," he says, pulling away a little.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She nods, "What if I already met the right person and I'd missed the opportunity?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"I don't think it works like that. Or at least, I don't believe it does."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

But you had to die and go to this bar to find another right person after mom.

"I'm sorry, I just find myself thinking about relationships more and more lately."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"It's all right. There's not much else to do here but think."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

Oh, she really hates the small twinge of warmth she feels when remembering another way she found to spend her time.

"For some people I think it's a forced vacation."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

He nods. "Yeah, that's how a lot of people seem to view it."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.

"I just wish that I'd gotten better books to read lately."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"Why, what's the bar been giving you?"

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"Romance novels," she shakes her head a little. "And then Bar started torturing me with novels like Ethan Frome."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan laughs. "Oh God, I'm sorry to hear that. I still have the Kierkagaard and a couple other books if you want to borrow them."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"I think I'll take you up on that offer. I almost threw Ethan Frome into the lake and I'm not sure Bar would have appreciated that much."

As they're walking, they're getting closer and closer to a raised area of dirt.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan notices the raised area of dirt where a few blades of grass have begun to grow.

"That looks...like a grave," he says and looks around for a marker or anything that would explain this.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"It does." She also looks for some explanation. She hadn't thought that people could really *die* here.

Looking at the makeshift grave reminds her of her father's funeral, even though he's standing next to her right now. It also makes her think about how when she goes back home, Jack will be dead by morning.

She thinks being upset about that, even a little bit, would be a worse betrayal.