Goodbye

[geeky_agent]

Chris hadn't slept much the night before. She had just lain awake, the fear and guilt keeping her from rest.

She had slept for a few hours in the afternoon. Only to wake up and instantly remember everything that had happened. And everything still to come.

She was lying in bed again. Chris had tried going down to the bar but the idea of trying to hold a conversation and act like everything was ok, was tiring to her. So she came back to her room and got ready for bed.

But sleep was eluding her again so she sat in bed, book in hand, and tried to concentrate on the words.

Comments

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

Jack makes his way up from the bar, heading not for his own room, but for Chris'. She'd asked him to come talk to her before he left, and he figures tonight is as good a time as any. He doesn't want too many people around when he leaves the bar; their presence, as well as their expressions, might make Kim suspicious.

He takes a deep breath and knocks on the door.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

Chris looks up from the book when she hears a knock on the door. Her first thought is that it's Jack and she almost hopes it isn't because that means he's leaving soon.

She slips her robe on as she walks towards the door and ties it loosely around her waist. A deep breath and she opens the door.

"Hi." He's leaving.

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

She's dressed in her bathrobe, and for a moment all he can think of is the last time he saw her in it, and of everything that came before that.

"Hi. Can I come in?" he says, feeling a little nervous. He doesn't want to have to say tell her this, but then he thinks he should probably try and get used to it--he'll be saying it a lot tomorrow.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," she says quietly and steps aside so he can enter.

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He walks in, waiting for her to close the door before speaking.

"Chase got back tonight." He knows he doesn't have to explain what that means, after their discussion last night. But somehow when he'd told her his plan, he'd never imagined he'd have to be saying this so soon.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She nods and feels like she's being suffocated, it's so hard to breathe right now.

"So, tomorrow then."

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He nods. "Yeah. Probably tomorrow night. I don't want a lot of people around when I go though. Kim..." he swallows, trying to keep his composure, but it's a struggle. "Kim might get suspicious. She already is."

He's struck by the weight of the burden he's placed on everyone else; soon he won't have to worry about not telling Kim, but everyone else in the bar will have to keep the secret for much longer. Not for the first time he wonders if she should tell her, but he knows he can't do it.

Please, God, let me come back here, if only so people don't have to keep it a secret for very long. So I can tell her myself.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

Kim doesn't know. It made sense. How could he tell her what was going to happen and then let her go back to wait till however long to live it out?

"I understand."

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He looks down for a moment, taking a deep breath to steady himself. "Anyway, so I just wanted to come by to say goodbye."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

I don't want to say goodbye.

She walks over to where he's standing and gently places a hand on his arm.

"If you want, you can stay with me tonight," she whispers.

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He looks at her curiously for a moment. Though she'd said she ahd liked being with him the other night--that she'd been happy--she'd also pretty much said she thought it was a mistake.

He wants to say yes, though he knows part of that is because he just doesn't want to be alone tonight, part is because he wants to live as much as he can while he's still here. But part is also because he cares about her, and because he doesn't want to say goodbye either. He's not exactly sure how he feels about her, but dammit, he doesn't have time to figure that out anymore. He just doesn't have any more time.

"Are you sure that's what wat you want? Don't consider me at all; just tell me if this is really what you want."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

Chris was aware of what she was doing. It was another betrayal and she may very well regret it later.

But she would regret it now if she didn't. She wanted to feel his skin against hers one more time. Wanted to fall asleep in his arms again.

"It is," she says, taking his hand.

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He knows there are hundreds of reasons why he should refuse. But if he does, will he spend the next three months wishing he hadn't?

And more importantly, he doesn't want to. He wants to have one more night with her. And if she's sure she can live with the consequences...

"Me too," he says softly, stepping closer so he can wrap his arms around her.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

Chris moves closer and takes some comfort in his arms around her. She brushes her fingertips along his jaw and a smile briefly passes on her lips.

She leans in and lightly kisses him on the lips.

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He kisses her back, trying to memorise the feel, the taste of her for when he leaves. It's almost making it harder to keep his resolution of leaving the next day, but he knows he can't waver on that point. He has to go through with it.

He breaks the kiss, resting his head on top of hers, needing a moment to calm down. He keeps his arma wrapped tightly around her, though; right now he doesn't want to let her go.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She looks up at him and her hand comes to rest alongside his face. Chris gently strokes his cheek with her thumb and tries not to think about what's coming tomorrow. Or what came before.

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He opens his eyes again, give her a weak smile before turning his head to kiss her palm, her wrist, skipping up to where her neck meets her shoulder. He can hear her breathing, can feel the warmth of her body, and he wants to savour it as long as possible.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

His smile almost makes Chris cry but instead she focuses on the way his lips feel on her skin.

She turns her head and kisses him on the mouth. The next kiss is deeper and hungrier. She wants to remember this and forget everything else.

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He tries to push all his thoughts about what's going to happen out of his mind and concentrate on kissing her back.

But he can't do it completely, and there's a desperation to his kiss, a desire to make this night last as long as possible, because what'l happen tomorrow and in the days afterward doesn't bear thinking about.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

His kiss seems a little fiercer and maybe a little more desperate so she wraps her arms around him.

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He holds her tightly, forcing himself to relax has she slips her arms around him. They have tonight to be together, and that will have to be enough. No anticipating the morning just yet; it'll come soon enough.

He slides his hands down over her curves until they meet the sash of her robe, and he tugs to loosen the knot there.

Morning can wait.


fade to black

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He wakes slowly the next morning, smiling slightly as he feels warm skin pressed against his own. He opens his eyes to see that he and Chris had shifted a little during the night, but are still sleeping snuggled together, her head resting against his shoulder, his arm curled around her back.

But it's also bittersweet; the reason he was here in the first place is because he's leaving today, and he's suddenly more aware of the time ticking away than he was the night before.

He doesn't want to leave her. He doesn't want to leave, not with what awaits him at home. But the longer he stays, the harder it'll be to leave eventually. If it were done, 'tis best it were done quickly.

For the moment, though, he's content to watch her sleep. He can wait a little longer, after all.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

As if sensing that Jack is watching her Chris opens her eyes. She smiles a little and closes her eyes, still sleepy.

Still not wanting this to end.

It takes a few minutes but soon she realizes it's morning and a feeling of foreboding comes over her.

Chris opens her eyes and looks at him. "Morning."

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He gives her a weak smile, gently stroking her hair. "Morning," he says, quietly. He knows he has to get up sometime, leave her room before anyone else is likely to be up, but he doesn't want to do that yet. He's too comfortable here, with her warm weight resting against him. And if he gets up, that means he has to start preparing to leave; it'll make it all real.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She lays a light kiss on Jack's shoulder and closes her eyes. Her stomach feels like it's in knots and she holds him a little tighter.

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He kisses her forehead, still stroking her hair, letting his actions say what he can't. I care for you. I wish I didn't have to say goodbye. I wish we had more time together, more time to figure out exactly what there is between us.

He closes his eyes and sighs. He can't let himself think like that. He can't think about what might have been or he'll never get through these next three months. Besides, he knows it's not just lack of time that stands between them.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

Chris opens her eyes when she feels his kiss. She looks at him and almost says 'I don't want you to leave' before she catches herself.

He doesn't want to leave and her falling apart won't make it any easier for him.

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He gives her another weak smile. "I really don't want to get up just yet," he says, trying to make it sound like he's saying it just because it's comfortable in the bed with her, which it is. But that's not the whole reason, of course.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"Then don't," she whispers. Chris turns a little, lying more on her side. She leans up and kisses his lips lightly.

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He kisses her back, his fingers caressing her cheek lightly once he breaks off the kiss. "Well I guess I don't have to get up just yet. It's still pretty early."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She draws small patterns on his chest with her fingers.

"So what do you want to do?"

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He smiles. "I can think of a couple things. Did you sleep all right?"

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She lays her head on his shoulder again. "I did. You?"

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

"Yeah, surprisingly. Tired out from last night, I guess," he says, a little teasingly. Of course helping Chase up the stairs probably tired him out as well, but he's trying not to think of that at the moment.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She laughs a little and looks at him, a small smile on her face.

"Still tired?" Chris whispers.

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He considers saying "no" and seeing where that would lead, but a sudden yawn puts paid to that plan.

"Yeah, kind of," he says with a bit of a lopsided grin, another small yawn punctuating his statement.

Besides, part of him would rather just lie there with her, hold her in his arms. Just wants to be close to her, and they don't have to actually do anything to do that.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"All right," she says with a nod before lying back down in his arms.

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He wraps one arm around her back as she lies down again, rubbing her back with one hand, the other taking her hand. He closes his eyes, breathing in the smell of her hair and skin as he dozes; not sleeping, but letting himself drift. Occasionally he opens one eye and glances at the changing of the morning light. He doesn't want to let her go just yet, but at the moment he has time.

It's not long though before he can't ignore the fact that it's getting late enough that other people will be awake soon, and he doesn't want to meet them in the hallways. He has to go, even if just the thought is painful.

He takes a deep breath, steeling his nerves to take this step. "Chris?" he says softly, "I have to leave. It's getting late."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

Half-asleep still, she moves away before she fully understands what his says.

The it hits her and she looks up at him, eyes wide.

"Now?" Chris shuts her eyes briefly. He doesn't want to leave.

"All right," she whispers.

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He stares at the ceiling for a moment, letting out a long breath. "Yeah, I'd better do it now. Waiting won't make it any easier."

He turns and kisses her again before finally sitting up, swinging his feet over the edge of the bed.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She sits up in the bed, pulling the covers around her. Her robe was still on a pile on the middle the floor.

Chris smooths the covers over her legs as he dresses. She tries to brush past the feeling of anxiety in her stomach but she can't.

He sits on the bed, putting his shoes on, almost ready to leave. She's silent throughout this, just watching him and trying not to think about anything else.

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He ties his shoelaces, then sits on the edge of the bed without saying anything. Finally he turns to her, his hand tracing a curve along the side of her face. He leans in and kisses her softly before resting his forehead against hers.

"I won't forget you." But it might be better if you forget me.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

Her lips tightened into a frown. She nods but doesn't move.

I'll miss you. I shouldn't but I will.

Chris touches his face lightly, still close to him. "Take care."

[action-antihero.livejournal.com]

He gives her a tight smile. "I will. "Take care." He pauses for a moment, then whispers, "Please, be happy."

He quickly kisses her again, then leaves the room before temptation gets the better of him, trying not to think of what he's walking away from. Trying to focus on facing the day and what it will bring.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

Chris can only nod when he whispers this, frown deepening as she tries not to cry.

She watches him leave, door closing quietly behind him. She waits a few minutes for her breath to steady, then she gets up from the bed, not wanting to stay there any longer.