OOM: A Million Miles from Shore

[geeky_agent]

July 16th, 2012
9:15 PM


This was how it was going to be, this was the new normal. Like after her mom died but without the resignation. Like after her dad but now she didn't have anyone to be strong for, she didn't have anything to keep her from crumbling.

Getting up just to grab more kleenex, Chris drops back down on the bed, turning over her phone. Ryan had called earlier, leaving her another message, asking about Caiti and she hadn't called him back. She should turn the phone off, in case he calls again but she can't do that. Even though she knew Caiti was gone, Chris kept hoping for that phone call that would prove her wrong.

Comments

[chelleuncurled]

Michelle's been home a few minutes and hovers near the doorway, she's holding a plate with a crusts cut off peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Her mom was able to make actual food, but Michelle can't entirely imagine how Chris is feeling at this moment, and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is safe.

"Chris?" she pushes the door open a little with her foot. "Are you awake?"

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

For a moment, she's tempted to not answer and pretend she's asleep. But that seems rude and though she wasn't sure she wanted company, Chris knew she was tired of being alone.

"Yeah," she says, sitting up and turning to look at Michelle. "When did you get back?"

[chelleuncurled]

Michelle's about to turn around when she hears movement and opens the door wider.

"About ten minutes ago," she steps into the room and stands near the bed, her vision blurring slightly as she sees her friend's expression.

"Did you get some sleep?"

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"Not really." When she came back from work, she'd been so tired, so drained, that she almost thought she might. Then she was left in an empty house with nothing to do but let her mind wander.

[chelleuncurled]

"I made you a sandwich," she holds out the plate slightly It's not as much of a non-sequitor as it seems.

And she knows that Chris needs something other than her grief to think about, but she also knows that it's an all encompassing emotion. It makes even breathing seem impossible.

"I...know you're probably not hungry."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She nods her head, whether to just let Michelle know she's heard her or if she's agreeing with her, Chris doesn't know.

"Thank you," Chris whispers, taking the plate. Setting it down on her lap, she looks at the sandwich for a moment as if she's confused on what to do with it. The thought of eating makes her nauseous and she hasn't had much today aside from soup earlier.

Realizing she should make some effort at conversation, Chris asks, "How was work?"

[chelleuncurled]

"I think I found a connection between Palmer 's assassination and the...other attacks," she inwardly winces at mentioning the bombings to Chris.

"Do you even like peanut butter and jelly?" Michelle doesn't know.

She never thought she'd be the one in this position.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"I ate it every day in fifth grade," she says, gently pushing a finger into the bread, watching it dent. That seemed like a lifetime ago, when her family was whole, her parents were invincible and she wasn't afraid of anything.

Coming to the present, Chris gives a sideways glance to Michelle. "What's the connection?"

[chelleuncurled]

She nods, finding it difficult for a moment to speak.

If sheer stubbornness and hope could bring back the dead, Caiti would be knocking on the front door. Michelle still refuses to believe the obvious truth, starting the satellite process again as soon as she was sure there were enough system resources.

Life has taken so much from all of them.

She runs her hand over the covers, smoothing them down before sitting and looking back at her friend.

"It's a code buried in one of his text files," she breathes in and out. "Jack thinks it's connected to the nuclear disarmament program. He's called one of his contacts at DoD, he's still waiting for an answer."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"Text files," Chris repeats, trying to make sense of the words when her mind is in a fog. "Palmer's files?"

Palmer the man Caiti had idolized, the same one who let their father die. He died, Caiti mourned. A few days later Caiti was dead now it was she who mourned. Like a row of dominos falling. Chris wondered who would mourn when she died, how long those dominos would fall.

"Why did he have that? Does that have to do with Valencia?"

[chelleuncurled]

Michelle has nothing concrete to tell her and all she's really given her are more questions.

"Yes, he hid an indentification marker and I - we're not sure why or how it's connected, but if the number matches one of the bombs marked for disarmament, then that means he knew about the possibility of an attack, and that's why he was killed. If we can figure out this clue, then maybe it'll lead us to the responsible party." She realizes she's pointing out the obvious, but she also remembers how she felt after finding out about Tony.

And Chris doesn't have Michelle's parents and brother and in-laws.

"They had to have chosen Jack for a reason." It couldn't be bad luck and she's not even sure ka covers this one.

She falls silent and looks at the closet. "Do you need anything?"

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She shakes her head without really listening to the question. It doesn't matter what happens now and Chris knows she shouldn't think that way but that's how she feels. Nothing matters because it nothing will undo the past. No matter what happens tomorrow, Caiti will still be dead.

"Thank you for the sandwich."

[chelleuncurled]

Michelle's more than a little concerned by her complete lack of reaction to the news.

"Anytime," she says quietly and looks back at her. "Chris, whatever you need, I'm here."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

With a glance in Michelle's direction, Chris nods again. "I know."

Chris looks forward again, wrapping her arms around herself, feeling a chill come over her. It didn't matter how many blankets she had, she didn't feel warm, it didn't matter if she ate, she still felt empty, it didn't matter if she slept, she was never at peace.

"I don't want to call Ryan."

[chelleuncurled]

"You don't have to call him back, he'll understand." It's a complete lie, especially judging from his messages.

"I won't make you do anything," which is true. Chris was there for her when she needed someone and she will protect her as much as she's allowed.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She shakes her head but doesn't say anything to that, it was better if she didn't call, for both of them. Ryan had a few more hours to think Caiti was alive and maybe that was easier. The truth wasn't doing her much good, after all.

It was just the two of them now.

[chelleuncurled]

Michelle awkwardly moves to sit next to her and gingerly puts her arm around her shoulders.

"Are you sure you don't need anything?"

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"I'm sure," she manages to say, barely moving her lips in a vain attempt to keep from sobbing. Eventually, she'd have to tell Ryan and soon they'd start planning for a funeral just like thousands of people were doing now and all she wanted was a miracle but that wasn't going to happen. This was it. Everything Caiti had wanted in life, all the plans she'd made and all the things Chris had taken for granted had died with her sister.

Covering her face with her hands, Chris cries.

[chelleuncurled]

"I'm so sorry," she says quietly and runs her hand up and down Chris's back softly, rubbing like her dad used to when her stomach hurt, trying to comfort Chris when she knows that there's nothing she can say or do to make things better.

When she finds the person responsible for breaking her friend they won't have a trial.