She nods. "Yeah. I should go do that now so we know."
It had taken every ounce of her self-control not to tell Jack to come back later so she could take those tests and have it finished. But she was also terrified of the answers.
With nothing more than a slight nod she heads back into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.
She pulls out the test, reading the instructions and looking over the wand carefully. Then she does the same for the other. As a precaution, both tests are different brands and both different from the first she used.
Both tests ready, she sets them carefully on the bathroom sink. She washes her hand and opens the door.
He nods, taking a seat on her bed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He feels nauseous as he goes over possibilities in his mind.
If it was positive...well, if he was going to be involved in the child's life--which he would want to be--he'd have to find a way to settle outside the bar, live under his assumed name, and Chris would have to join him in that life. That's something he can't ask of her, particularly when he knows that for a while he's going to have to run, never staying in one place for too long. He can't ask her to do that anyway, and definitely not while pregnant.
But in that case, what would she tell her family when he reappeared? What would she tell people when they finally did settle, off the grid somewhere? Would she have to give up her connection to her family? He couldn't ask her to do that, either, couldn't ask her to give up what family she still had.
And if she didn't want to do that...what would she tell people about the father of the child? Either she would have to become the single parent or he would--and that was even if he could keep their child prisoner here in Milliways. Neither option is a good one. In either case one of them would have to rely on visits to Milliways to see their son or daughter. More likely he'd have to be the one to wait; not that he'd want to throw the burden of parenting on Chris alone.
Being separated from his child...his heart aches even at just the vague possibility. Missing some of Kim's childhood thanks to his work, being estranged from her after Teri's death...that had been hard enough. And it wouldn't be any easier for Chris, either.
A dozen other possibilities crowd in, but none of them are any brighter, any more hopeful. Not to mention the vague thought about what others would say or think--Ryan, Kim... That pales next to the logistical problems of being a family when one of them is supposed to be dead, however.
No matter how much he thinks about it, he can't think of a situation that works.
Chris looks at her watch, not thinking, when she realizes what she's doing she takes the watch off and puts it in her pocket. Staring at the time wouldn't make it pass any faster.
She doesn't sit next to Jack, instead choosing to pace the floor, arms still folded.
She had been able to convince herself that the first test was wrong, defective. But what if the result was the same?
Her voice quiet, barely above a whisper, she asks, "What if I'm pregnant?"
"We'd have to tell people." She didn't want to know what her father's reaction would be. "I don't know what I would tell my family. And we would need to figure out a living situation."
She stops in her movements, arms still folded. Her eyes meeting his for a second. "Or not," she says, her voice strained. "There are other options."
He looks at her for a minute, not needing to ask what she means. That...as problematic as having a child might be, he wouldn't want to...to not have it. But then that's not only his decision. He's not the one who'd have to carry it, who'd have to explain things to family that doesn't know about Milliways or who he really was.
"Would you really want to do that?" he asks, softly.
And somehow, for a moment, she had forgotten that Jack was wanted by two goverments and "dead" to the outside world.
As long as that was the case, any child of theirs could be in danger.
She combed her fingers through her hair, pushing it back. "Well, I'll have to do this on my own won't I? I mean I'll have to go outside, I can't be in here and be pregnant, not while time is passing outside. My family might notice if I show up one day suddenly several months pregnant."
"No, obviously not," he says, just a little tersely. "But it's not like I'm Bound; I've been staying here becuase I haven't had a good enough reason to leave. This would be a pretty good reason, don't you think?"
There's a long moment of silence before he finally replies with a barely-audible, "Shit." His shoulders sag under the weight of this new burden.
He'd been thinking of the best-case scenario, that after a time on the run that they'd just...forget about him. That he'd be able to live under the radar. But chances were, even if both governments believed he was dead, there was always that danger. And he'd be putting Chris and their child in danger.
Even when he was supposedly dead, no longer at CTU, his family would still be in danger because of his job and his past. History repeating itself all over again.
"Even if there wasn't a child involved it would be difficult," she adds in a low voice.
If it were just herself, she'd do it. She'd go with him, she'd wait. It didn't matter, as long as she could be with him. Chris loved him more than she had loved any man in her life.
But she couldn't drag someone else into that situation and certainly not a child.
Chris saw the change come over him as her words sunk in, it hurt but there weren't any words she could say that would make it better.
"I don't know what kind of future we have."
It wasn't said to wound, just a statement of fact and a plea for reassurance.
He doesn't look up at her; can't look up at her. He wants to push the thought away, keep thinking that 'they'll always have Milliways', but once the seed's been planted, he can't keep the thought from growing.
He can't ask her to run with him, to give up everything in her life for him. He can't put her in danger like that. He'd lost someone he loved once because of it, and he can't go through it again. Can't risk it.
"Well we wait for the results for one," he says tonelessly. He runs his fingers through his hair, interlocking them at the back of his neck for a moment before looking up at her again. "We need to know that first."
"Right," she says dully. Shaking her head, she walks into the bathroom not even checking her watch. She closes her eyes and whispers one more prayer to whatever deity might care enough to listen.
Chris enters the bathroom and looks at the test, both results were the same. Holding onto the snck for support, she closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths. That nervous feeling in her stomach lingers.
Then she walks back and stands by the bathroom door. "Negative."
Jack lets his head fall forward as he lets out a long breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding. He feels shaky from the dissipating adrenaline, even as a very, very small part of him feels slightly disappointed. He had always wanted more than one child, after all. But then the knowledge of all the complications, all the problems their having a child would bring--not to mention the danger that child would be in from the moment of it's birth--more than makes up for it, and that small amount of disappointment lacks the power to sting.
But now he's not sure what to do. Their time in Milliwaysm, their relationship had seemed like some kind of wonderful dream. Only this had woken him, as as much as he'd like to hold on to the dream, the real world is intruding.
Leaning against the doorway, Chris realizes how tired she is. She's tempted to go over, sit down next to Jack, wrap her arms around him and go back to the way things had been.
But that wasn't possible anymore. She had hid her room the past few days, partly because she needed more time but also because she was afraid to face Jack. What if her feelings had changed? What if everytime she saw him, she also saw him holding the gun on her father? Chris wanted to keep that separate from all her other memories of Jack but she couldn't, it was him. The same hands that held her, killed her father. And nothing could change that.
She didn't want to let him go but she wasn't sure what hope this relationship had, it was barely tolerated by their friends and her family in Milliways. She could never tell her family back home the truth without risking her relationship with them and having them hate Jack and that was assuming she could ever introduce them to him which was a big assumption.
Their little trips outside didn't mean anything because right now, this relationship couldn't exist outside. And that situation wasn't changing.
He stares at the floor for a minute, knowing her statement likely wasn't just about the scare they'd just had. He knows her well enough to know that she has to be thinking the same things he is.
He doesn't want to say it, but one of them has to. "Chris...I don't know where we can go from this."
She had expected this response and she couldn't be angry, not like before, because he was right. Maybe all this time spent trying to build something, maybe it was just prolonging the inevitable.
Still she kept trying to think of something, anything she could hold onto. Some slim ray of hope to grasp.
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It had taken every ounce of her self-control not to tell Jack to come back later so she could take those tests and have it finished. But she was also terrified of the answers.
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Questions are swirling thorugh his mind, and he's not sure he has any answers, as they all boil down to one basic thought.
What are we going to do if it's positive?
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She pulls out the test, reading the instructions and looking over the wand carefully. Then she does the same for the other. As a precaution, both tests are different brands and both different from the first she used.
Both tests ready, she sets them carefully on the bathroom sink. She washes her hand and opens the door.
"It'll be about seven minutes for both."
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If it was positive...well, if he was going to be involved in the child's life--which he would want to be--he'd have to find a way to settle outside the bar, live under his assumed name, and Chris would have to join him in that life. That's something he can't ask of her, particularly when he knows that for a while he's going to have to run, never staying in one place for too long. He can't ask her to do that anyway, and definitely not while pregnant.
But in that case, what would she tell her family when he reappeared? What would she tell people when they finally did settle, off the grid somewhere? Would she have to give up her connection to her family? He couldn't ask her to do that, either, couldn't ask her to give up what family she still had.
And if she didn't want to do that...what would she tell people about the father of the child? Either she would have to become the single parent or he would--and that was even if he could keep their child prisoner here in Milliways. Neither option is a good one. In either case one of them would have to rely on visits to Milliways to see their son or daughter. More likely he'd have to be the one to wait; not that he'd want to throw the burden of parenting on Chris alone.
Being separated from his child...his heart aches even at just the vague possibility. Missing some of Kim's childhood thanks to his work, being estranged from her after Teri's death...that had been hard enough. And it wouldn't be any easier for Chris, either.
A dozen other possibilities crowd in, but none of them are any brighter, any more hopeful. Not to mention the vague thought about what others would say or think--Ryan, Kim... That pales next to the logistical problems of being a family when one of them is supposed to be dead, however.
No matter how much he thinks about it, he can't think of a situation that works.
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She doesn't sit next to Jack, instead choosing to pace the floor, arms still folded.
She had been able to convince herself that the first test was wrong, defective. But what if the result was the same?
Her voice quiet, barely above a whisper, she asks, "What if I'm pregnant?"
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She stops in her movements, arms still folded. Her eyes meeting his for a second. "Or not," she says, her voice strained. "There are other options."
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"Would you really want to do that?" he asks, softly.
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Chris took a deep breath. "I just keep thinking about seeing family and trying to explain this."
Whether the this is the child or her relationship with Jack is unclear.
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As long as that was the case, any child of theirs could be in danger.
She combed her fingers through her hair, pushing it back. "Well, I'll have to do this on my own won't I? I mean I'll have to go outside, I can't be in here and be pregnant, not while time is passing outside. My family might notice if I show up one day suddenly several months pregnant."
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He'd been thinking of the best-case scenario, that after a time on the run that they'd just...forget about him. That he'd be able to live under the radar. But chances were, even if both governments believed he was dead, there was always that danger. And he'd be putting Chris and their child in danger.
Even when he was supposedly dead, no longer at CTU, his family would still be in danger because of his job and his past. History repeating itself all over again.
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If it were just herself, she'd do it. She'd go with him, she'd wait. It didn't matter, as long as she could be with him. Chris loved him more than she had loved any man in her life.
But she couldn't drag someone else into that situation and certainly not a child.
Chris saw the change come over him as her words sunk in, it hurt but there weren't any words she could say that would make it better.
"I don't know what kind of future we have."
It wasn't said to wound, just a statement of fact and a plea for reassurance.
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He can't ask her to run with him, to give up everything in her life for him. He can't put her in danger like that. He'd lost someone he loved once because of it, and he can't go through it again. Can't risk it.
"I don't know either."
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"So...what happens now?"
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Chris enters the bathroom and looks at the test, both results were the same. Holding onto the snck for support, she closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths. That nervous feeling in her stomach lingers.
Then she walks back and stands by the bathroom door. "Negative."
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But now he's not sure what to do. Their time in Milliwaysm, their relationship had seemed like some kind of wonderful dream. Only this had woken him, as as much as he'd like to hold on to the dream, the real world is intruding.
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But that wasn't possible anymore. She had hid her room the past few days, partly because she needed more time but also because she was afraid to face Jack. What if her feelings had changed? What if everytime she saw him, she also saw him holding the gun on her father? Chris wanted to keep that separate from all her other memories of Jack but she couldn't, it was him. The same hands that held her, killed her father. And nothing could change that.
She didn't want to let him go but she wasn't sure what hope this relationship had, it was barely tolerated by their friends and her family in Milliways. She could never tell her family back home the truth without risking her relationship with them and having them hate Jack and that was assuming she could ever introduce them to him which was a big assumption.
Their little trips outside didn't mean anything because right now, this relationship couldn't exist outside. And that situation wasn't changing.
"So that's that."
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He stares at the floor for a minute, knowing her statement likely wasn't just about the scare they'd just had. He knows her well enough to know that she has to be thinking the same things he is.
He doesn't want to say it, but one of them has to. "Chris...I don't know where we can go from this."
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Still she kept trying to think of something, anything she could hold onto. Some slim ray of hope to grasp.
There wasn't one.
"I don't know either."
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