(no subject)

[geeky_agent]

Chris looked through the book Jack got her, reading the introduction.

She hadn't had a chance to see Jack, she was planning on going downstairs for lunch and seeing if he was there.

It was more than just not running into Jack, she had avoided him yesterday. She hadn't been angry at him but she just didn't think she could deal with seeing him at the moment. It would have been too difficult. Avoiding him - just for a day - had been the best possible solution but she still felt guilty about that.

It hadn't felt like her birthday, it wasn't on the outside. But for her father, it had been the 20th and she wanted to spend time with him. He had told her the date wasn't that important to him, he'd rather think of it as her birthday but she couldn't bring herself to celebrate anything on that day. In Milliways or outside.

She didn't ask for gifts and she didn't want a birthday cake, she just wanted to spend time with him. With a pang of guilt Chris had realized that after her dad died she thought she would spend as much time with him as possible, if she ever got a chance to see him again. And when she arrived at Milliways, that had been true for the first few weeks and she still did spend a lot of time with more. More than she had when he was alive.

But she had taken things for granted and she didn't want to do that anymore.

Chris set the book down on the night table and picked up the brush to run through her hair. If her dad were around she might challenge him to a chess rematch. She was still surprised she had beat him yesterday. Chris was pretty good at chess but it was rare when she beat her dad. Or anyone did.

She had thought it had been the date but, no, that didn't. He seemed more distracted than upset. It didn't quite make sense, something she couldn't put her finger on.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan rubbed his hands together, wishing he did have a cigarette for the moment. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly as he did.

He looked at the door, then raised his hand and knocked.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

Chris puts down the brush when she hears the knock. Even though she wants to go see her dad and spend time with him, a part of her hopes that Jack is at her door.

She opens the door, "Hi, Dad." She notices that he looks unhappy.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"Hey, Chris," he says with a thin smile. His mouth feels dry and he can remember one reason why he chose not to call anyone on that day in September.

"Can I come in? We need to talk about something."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She nods and steps aside to let him in. Everything seemed okay at the wedding.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan enters the room and waits for her to close the door. He thinks briefly about asking her to sit but that might be pointless.

He looks at her for a moment, wondering how he should say this and there just is no way to break this to her gently.

"Chris," Ryan says, his voice so calm it surprises him, "I can see the door."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

Chris stares at him for a moment, sure she couldn't have heard right, that he must mean something else.

"Oh," she takes a breath. And another one, trying to keep herself upright.

"You're leaving."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

He moves closer, giving her a concerned look. He gently his hands on her arms and rubs them a little.

"Yes, I am."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"You're...leaving," she repeats, seeing him blur in front of her eyes. But she can't lift her arms, her mind going into a kind of crisis mode.

"And you're not coming back." It's not a question.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan purses his lips tightly but doesn't say anything. He's not sure he can trust his voice not to tremble.

His first instinct is to tell her he might, he'd try. Anything to soften the blow. But something told him he wouldn't and he couldn't give her false hope.

He shakes his head.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

Chris forces herself not to collapse. Breathing in through her nose, trying to make this easier but her emotions slip out anyway through her words. "No, no, there must be...why would they bring me here just to make me lose you again?"

She hates that sound in her voice but she can't help it.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

He pulls her into a hug on impulse and the sadness in her voice is breaking his heart.

"I'll stay as long as I can," he says, his throat feels tight and his voice is strangled.

But how long will that even be? A few days? Maybe a week or two? Whatever it is, it won't be enough.

"I'll stay here as long as I can, I promise."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry I haven't spent more time with you lately," she whispers, hugging him tightly.

"I'm so sorry."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"No, no, Chrissy. Don't say that," he pulls back to look at her, stroking her hair. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She bites her lip hard, trying not to make this more difficult or painful. She's almost 30, she got extra time she never imagined with her dad, she knew she'd have to say goodbye sometime. It's just that theory and practice are two different things.

I'm in love with your killer, how can you say that?

"I'm really going to miss you."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan is almost afraid of her arguing this or bringing up her relationship with Jack and he mentally braces himself for this.

He's grateful when she doesn't even though her next words almost break the little composure he has.

"I'm going to miss you too." So much.

He smiles a little. "But I'm not going anywhere yet."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She forces back her tears and tries to match his smile.

"I was going to go downstairs, will you join me?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"Yeah, sure," he says with a nod.

"Lunch?"

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She nods a little even though she can't imagine eating right now.

"After lunch, I was thinking maybe you might want a rematch."

He's not leaving yet...

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan smiles again, this one more genuine.

"Sounds good," he says as they head towards the door.

"I still don't know how you snuck that rook past me."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"So you did notice how I won the game."

She walks with him, maybe standing a little closer than usual.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan laughs. "Not till it was too late."

He closes the door behind them.