After Brunch

[geeky_agent]

[Millitimed to Sunday morning.]

It was nice outside. Not too warm, which Chris was grateful for. Anything that made her choice of a sleeveless turtleneck look less odd, made her happy.

Chris hadn't eaten much at her brunch, something her dad had noticed more than what she wore. Her stomach was tied in knots it seemed. She had told him she didn't feel well, he had told her she could go upstairs and rest. That this could wait till another time.

Then she felt awful.

The guilt was overwhelming. She almost wanted to tell him or someone. But she wouldn't. Partly because Chris had a feeling she was only looking for reassurances that she'd never receive and partly because there was no point. It was a mistake and one she wasn't going to repeat.

She just wishes that made her feel better.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan laughs. "Oh God, I'm sorry to hear that. I still have the Kierkagaard and a couple other books if you want to borrow them."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"I think I'll take you up on that offer. I almost threw Ethan Frome into the lake and I'm not sure Bar would have appreciated that much."

As they're walking, they're getting closer and closer to a raised area of dirt.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan notices the raised area of dirt where a few blades of grass have begun to grow.

"That looks...like a grave," he says and looks around for a marker or anything that would explain this.

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"It does." She also looks for some explanation. She hadn't thought that people could really *die* here.

Looking at the makeshift grave reminds her of her father's funeral, even though he's standing next to her right now. It also makes her think about how when she goes back home, Jack will be dead by morning.

She thinks being upset about that, even a little bit, would be a worse betrayal.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

He frowns and shakes his head. "I haven't heard anything. I wonder what happened."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"I don't know," she whispers. It feels wrong to talk too loudly here, and she wonders how she could have missed a death in the bar.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

Ryan was almost annoyed he didn't know what had happened. He didn't like surprises, at least not this kind.

He puts a hand on her arm to guide her away from the grave, "I'll ask Elaine, she might know."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She willingly follows him, not wanting to think about the grave and who might be there and why.

This is not a safe place. It's a place where it's easy to lose control.

"That's a good idea. She seems to know everything important that happens."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"She talks to a lot of people, she has lots of friends."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"So is being around her making you more social?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"I guess that depends on how social you think I was before."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"She's made you more relaxed, anyway."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

He nods. "Her and not being at work, anymore."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She thinks about the other people from their world and how most of them don't seem relaxed most of the time.

"Work was really stressful for you, wasn't it?"

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"Yeah, it was," he sighs.

"It was frustrating, a lot of the time. There were so many people involved and that made it hard to accomplish anything. And I didn't have a good working relationship with a lot of my co-workers, which just added to it."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

"But you did, Dad, manage to accomplish things. I think people forget how difficult it can be to be the person who is ultimately held responsible if things go wrong."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"I don't think anyone realizes that till they're the one in that position."

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She nods and somehow that brings up more things she doesn't want to think about.

"Actually, I think I need to lie down for a while. It was great getting to have brunch with you."

She hugs him again, "Happy Father's Day. I love you."

[http://users.livejournal.com/_chappy_/]

"I love you, too," he says, hugging her back.

He pulls away and rubs her arms a little. "Feel better, ok?"

[geeky-agent.livejournal.com]

She tries to give him a reassuring smile.

"Thanks, but I'll be okay. I'll see you soon."

She still has to strip the sheets from her bed and put on new ones. She hates herself again for feeling anything other than regret and guilt for the night before.

She forces herself to walk and not run back to the bar.