geeky_agent | (no subject)

Current Mood: anxious

(no subject)

March 27, 2006

It had been a long day by the time Chris reached Michelle's house. The night before she had barely slept and was beginning to forget what it was like to sleep for more than four or five hours a night.

She stalled at the bottom of the front steps, debating whether to stay or leave. I didn't call. It's not like they had been expecting me. After a long day at work, she barely the energy to go through with this.

But if she didn't do it now, then when?

With a sigh, Chris heads up the stairs and rings the door bell.

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Chris nods, not saying anything at the moment because what could she say? She didn't understand, not fully, she had grieved but that wasn't the same, she hadn't experience what Michelle had.

"Do you want some water?"

She nods slightly, holding her hand over her mouth.

Through her tears, she can see Chris's concerned expression but her friend feels very far away.

"All right," she whispers, rubbing Michelle's arm before she goes to the sink. She takes two of the Dixie cups, two because they're so small, and fills them with water.

Sitting down next to her again, Chris offers her one.

"Thank you," she says softly, holding onto the cup and lifting it to her lips.

The water helps her throat a little.

She breathes out, trying to calm her still upset stomach.

"Do you have anything stronger?"

"N-no," she says, blinking in surprise. "I could see if there's any ginger ale downstairs, if you want?"

Michelle glances at the water, wishing it was vodka.

"Stronger than that," she whispers.

"I don't think alcohol would help your stomach, right now." Chris didn't necessarily object to her having a drink, she could certainly understand wanting one.

"It dehydrates you," she adds in a soft, apologetic tone.

"And my mom wouldn't let you come back," she takes another sip of water.

"I didn't think it would hurt this much."

She flashes a small smile at the first statement that disappears with the next thing Michelle says. "No one does."

She's silent for a moment, looking at Chris, knowing she has some idea how this feels. "I keep trying to find the door. He has to be there - if Ramon and Nina and Saunders got that chance...," she takes an unsteady breath.

"There's so many clients I need to call back and I -- I've never felt overwhelmed before."

Tony should have that chance, they both should. After everything that happened, they were owed that much.

When she first entered Milliways, she hoped that there was such a thing as justice. Not in this life but maybe in the next. Now, she wondered if it exists at all.

"I can help you with that."

"I couldn't ask you do that - you have your own work to handle."

She takes another breath, "Maybe I should try standing."

"It's not a problem. My work schedule isn't as heavy as it used to be." That was one way of putting it.

"All right," Chris murmurs, rising to her feet and holding out a hand for her.

"District's not busy?" She eyes Chris's hand and tries to get up on her own, hating feeling so dependent. She's a little unsteady though and has to accept the help.

"Thank you," she whispers.

"They probably are, I don't know. I'm at CTU-LA now," she says with a small shrug.

"You transferred?" She asks as they walk back into the bedroom. "Does Bill - does he know?"

"I was demoted."

She turns to look at Michelle. "Some things, yeah. Lots of the details are still classified. He knows about Tony."

It's hard to remember that not everyone knows why Chris vanished for a while.

"Bastards." She doesn't say that she's sorry, she knows how these things work.

She's glad they're near the bed so she can sit and not collapse. "He must be concerned," she says almost to herself and then looks up at Chris. "Have you seen Jack and Chase? How are they?" She's thought about them, wondering if they were okay and she knows that alive doesn't equal okay.

"Chase was really tired from the healing. He slept for .. a few days. I didn't get a chance to speak to him when he woke up." Chris sits down next to her, hands folded in her lap.

"Jack is ...he's doing better after the healing." She knows that's not what Michelle is asking but she's not sure what else to say.

No amount of healing can bring back the dead

She nods, "Is he lucid?"

"Yeah. He left the infirmary a couple days before I left." It had been hard leaving him and she was hoping that she didn't get stuck out here for long.

At least you will see him again.

"How is his mental state?" She'd told Tony that if they broke him, Jack wouldn't want to live.

I never thought I'd lose Tony this way, I thought we were safe, I thought we were out of the woods...

"I don't know," she confesses, her mouth pulling into a frown. "He wasn't talking about himself much. More about Chase and I. And you."

"At least he's talking." She glances over at her, "I've tried to blame him, to tell myself that Tony died," it's hard to get out the word, "because of his actions...but the truth is, Tony and I would have done anything for him. He only had to let us help."

She presses her lips together. "Watch him, Chris."

She twines her fingers together, still looking at Michelle as she speaks but she can't help feeling anxious at the words.

"I will."